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Margaret Paul, Ph.D.'s Articles in Self Improvement Show All|Display Category|Title|Newest|Oldest Managing Loneliness I have discovered that there are two core feelings that most people will do almost anything to avoid feeling: loneliness and helplessness. The Fear of Expressing Anger Once you understand that you can express your anger with an intention to learn, your fear of your own anger will go away. You don’t have to repress your anger in order to not be like your parents. You can express it harmlessly in The Anger Process and learn about what your anger is trying to tell you. Fear of Engulfment Roger, 33, is a successful engineer. Married with one child, Roger called me because his marriage was falling apart. His wife, Laura, had recently told him that the marriage was over unless they got some help. She told him she just couldn’t take it any more. What Are You Resisting If you are stuck somewhere in your life, the chances are you are stuck because you are resisting something. Many people grew up with one or two controlling parents or caregivers, and therefore learned numerous ways of overtly or covertly resisting being controlled. Who or what are you resisting? Food, Anxiety and Depression In our current society, there are many factors that can cause or contribute to anxiety and depression. Certainly money and work problems, relationship and family issues, as well as illness and loss of loved ones are major contributors to anxiety and depression. Also, how we feel about ourselves and treat ourselves contribute greatly to how we feel. Even in the worst of times, if we are treating ourselves with compassion instead of self-judgment, we may be able to manage big challenges without anxiety or depression. The Fear of Feeling We desire to find the path to peace, joy and freedom. We strive to feel lovable, worthy and secure. We know that if we do our inner work and open to our connection with Spirit, we will feel all of that. Yet we don't. We put it off for days or weeks. We stay stuck in our misery or numbness. Why? What are we so afraid of if we open to learning about loving? Addiction to Complaining Complaining is a way of life for some people. It was certainly a way of life for my mother. I don’t remember a day going by without her complaining, endlessly. I don’t think I ever heard a word of gratitude out of my mother’s mouth. No matter how good things were, she would manage to find something wrong. No matter how perfect I was – and God knows I tried to be perfect! – she always found something wrong with me, as well as with my father. Why Do People Lie Amanda and Ron had been married for six years and had two small children. I had counseled them during some difficult times in their marriage, but had not heard from them for a while. Then Amanda scheduled an emergency phone session with me. She was very upset. Who Are The Underminers How many of you had the experience growing up of being told in various ways to limit yourselves from being all you can be? The movie “The Incredibles” is a wonderful metaphor for this. In this movie, the superheroes – the people with extraordinary powers – are restricted from using their powers. Healing The Abandonment Wounds It is not possible to grow up in our society without some abandonment wounds. The following are some of the ways it can occur: Emotional Dependency or Emotional Responsibility Emotional dependency means getting one’s good feelings from outside oneself. It means needing to get filled from outside rather than from within. Who or what do you believe is responsible for your emotional wellbeing? Are You Addicted to Anger Michael was raised in a home where anger was used to control. His parents used their anger to attempt to control each other as well as their children. Sometimes the anger erupted into violence and Michael and his siblings would get physically hurt. Michael never knew when one of his parents would suddenly become enraged, so the threat was always there. Are You Addicted To Your Activities Activities - such as sports, creative projects, reading, work, TV, meditation - can be a wonderful way to relax, express yourself, or connect to yourself. Or they can be an addiction. How can you know the difference? Resistance to Loving I have counseled individuals, couples, families and business partners for the last 35 years, and I am the author/co-author of eight published books on relationships and emotional healing. In the course of my work, I've seen thousands of people get stuck in misery, even when they knew how to move into their peace and joy. How often do you get stuck in the anger, anxiety, withdrawal or depression of your wounded self?	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