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Protecting Children from Divorce Trauma

Article Summary: A well-rounded and complete family is made up of both adults and children. The parents set up a home, earn money, collect resources and create a secure and warm atmosphere where the children can grow up into healthy adults.

Children have a different psyche, outlook and needs than adults. They are actually quite vulnerable and defenceless. Their personalities are still not fully formed and their mental and emotional makeup is quite soft.

Because of this, they frequently require from parents reassurances that they are in safe hands and they will be taken care of until they learn to fend for themselves on their own. This is possible only in a functional family where both the partners are happy with the relationship and do their best to discharge all domestic duties.

Traditionally, it has been the main job of the father to do a job and bring the bacon home. He is also expected to provide physical security and general guidance to the family in all matters of life. The mothers, on the other hand, are expected to tend to the house-keeping duties and be involved in the day-to-day life of children. They provide emotional nourishment and support to the latter.

For children, their home is their whole world. It is the secure base to which they return after exploring the world outside. Their day-to-day life is centred in it. How safe and nurturing the home seems to the kids greatly depends on how successful the marriage of their parents is. That is why children panic and their entire life turns upside down when they get to know of the impending parental divorce.

The impact of marital separation of parents is severe on children because it rocks the very foundation of their lives. They cannot reconcile to the fact that their home as they know it is going to cease to exist and that their parents will no longer be living together. They develop a guilt complex and blame themselves for the split of the family. They think that it is something they have done that has made their parents walk away.

Many children take parental divorce quite badly and start slipping in their studies. All the stress and anxiety they go through weakens their power of concentration and their memory is affected. Some children of divorce become juvenile delinquents and get involved in cases of petty crime, drugs or alcohol abuse. Seeing all the adverse effects of parental divorce on the personality and emotional makeup of children, parents have to be careful how they handle the situation. There are many things they can do to protect their children from the consequences of the disintegration of their family.

When things are hurtling toward divorce, there is a lot of bad blood between the partners. There are loud disagreements and quarrels. The parents should take care never to raise their voice in front of the kids. Whatever issues have to be sorted out should be tackled outside their earshot. Divorce creates a lot of insecurity in the family. It is the duty of the parents to keep reassuring children that they will always be there to take care of them even after divorce and their life will continue as usual.

Parents have to convince the children that they are not to be blamed for their divorce in any way to prevent them from falling into the pit of self-criticism. They should ensure that post-separation, there are enough resources available to take care of all educational and lifestyle expenses of children.

The kids may feel rejected or abandoned after parental divorce. The parents should try to compensate by showering extra attention and love on them. The parent who stays separately should make it a point to meet the kids every week, call them up regularly to enquire about their studies and be present at all significant occasions in their life such as birthdays and school functions. Socialising with the kids and their friends is a great way to give them emotional support and an appearance of business as usual.

Another way by which the bond can be strengthened with kids is extra-curricular activities. Taking the children on outdoor activities such as hiking, rafting, swimming and cross-country driving during their school vacations greatly strengthens the relationship of the kids with their parents.

Children of different age groups react in different ways to parental divorce. Small kids may feel guilty while teenagers may rebel and blame their own parents – or at least one of them – for dissolution of the family. However, with patience and a lot of affection and attention, parents can minimise the consequences of martial separation on their children so as to ensure that they do not suffer much emotional damage.

Article Source: http://www.upublish.info

About the Author:
James Walsh
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com