How To Escape Other Peoples' Games And Win At Your Own

When did you last play a game?

Perhaps you play some kind of sport or you play some other game purely for fun and enjoyment. Then there are classic party games - I remember some of these from Christmas.

Whatever the game, we expect there to be rules and protocol. The game contains actions and consequences, rewards and penalties. Try playing tennis without these characteristics and it ceases to be tennis.

In life, there are also more serious games. For many people work can seem like a game, with rules of its own. In his famous book 'Games People Play' Eric Berne identified dozens of games that are played in different contexts.

Sometimes we get so immersed in whatever game we're playing that we are no longer aware it's a game. We are then held prisoner by its rules.

Here are three typical examples.

1. Join the Dots

This is the game we play when we rely on others for our pace and direction. Each step on the way is prescriptive, a small jump on a predetermined path. It's a one-way street and the sequence is fixed. We move by fulfilling other people's expectations. The only pattern we can see is by looking backwards.

2. Snakes and Ladders

This is the game of random opportunity and disaster. The throw of the dice determines whether we rise up a ladder or slide down a snake. It is possible to win by getting to the finish and it is this knowledge that keeps us competing. Winning is down to luck and we try to increase our luck with magic words to the dice, charms and superstitions. But deep down we know it makes no difference. Life in this game is a lottery.

3. Monopoly

This game seems particularly relevant at the moment with its emphasis on money, property and the bank. Success is partly down to the roll of the dice but also on a degree of skill. We try to predict the future so we can make the best buying and spending decisions. We study the laws so we know all our options and so we can hold others to account. There will be a winner but there'll be more losers along the way. The game shows the frailty of our predictions.

These are just games but we can be so engrossed that we lose ourselves in them. We can become weary and frustrated. It's the slippery slope to stress, overwhelm and burnout.

Remember that when you are playing a game there is always a part of you that remains outside the game. It is this core part of you that offers you freedom. You can mentally step outside the game to choose whether to continue or not.

Often during coaching, a person finds that it is at this point where self-awareness leaps forward and better decisions are made.

With this new awareness, you can choose to recharge yourself for further play or you can inspire yourself to win a game of your own.