Free Articles on Marriage and many other topics
Another free Marriage article for you by Alyssa Johnson
Titled: Divorce To Remarriage: Your Step By Step Guide To Step-Parenting Get the Marriage category RSS Feed

Divorce To Remarriage: Your Step By Step Guide To Step-Parenting

Article Summary: Becoming a step-parent can be a rather daunting task. Want to avoid some of the most common pitfalls right from the get-go? Read on...

As many of you are preparing to re-marry, you probably have expectations of what life will be like with your new spouse and new family. You're thinking something along the lines of "happily ever after" perhaps? Sorry to burst your bubble but let's take time out for a quick reality check.

People rarely have a clue what a relationship with a step-child will be like. It's not because we're stupid. It's just that there aren't any guide books for step families. We just assume it's ok to play by biological family rules. A lot of false beliefs happens as a result of this. Today, I'd like to look at some of the most common and present a more realistic view of what you're likely to experience.

1. I get along fine with the children now, so our relationship will only improve once I'm married to their parent.

Once you are married to their parent, children will view their relationship with you VERY differently. Things are permanent now. Any hopes they may have been holding onto about mom and dad reconciling are dead, and you're a part of that death. This quite obviously can cause serious resentment.

2. The kids are only over every other weekend. That shouldn't cause much of a disruption to our home life.

Just because a child is over every other weekend, doesn't mean they can't wreak havoc on your home and life. I receive tons of questions from fledgling step-parents struggling with what to do to manage what they view as the "disruption" to their lives when the kids come to visit. It's not that they don't like the kids, it's just that their usual schedule gets turned topsy turvy.

3. My partner loves me. so obviously their kids will too.

Nowhere does it say that just because a child's parent loves you, that they have to. Many kids have the opinion that they already have 2 parents and they aren't interested in having any more. Your goal in the beginning needs to be for a friendly, civil relationship - not one full of love. If you get love, great! But, don't count on it.

4. I'm an adult... How tough can it be to win a kid over?

It can be VERY difficult to "win over" a step-child. The problem is your attitude. It's really a manipulative one. Rather than "win" them over, the focus needs to be on being present in their lives and slowly trying to build a relationship with them.

5. I won't have to be the "bad guy" with these kids. My spouse will take care of all the discipline.

While this SHOULD be the way things go, it rarely does. Most of the time single parents are so happy to have another adult in the house, they expect that person to step in and share the responsibility of discipline.

6. My new spouse will make sure the kids treat me with respect.

This is another one that SHOULD happen, but unfortunately a lot of parents are still wrestling with a sense of guilt over breaking up the family. The guilt continues as the parent feels that the children are being forced into a new and different family. Guilt can get in the way of biologicaly parents requiring their children to treat the new member of the family with respect.

Article Source: http://www.upublish.info

About the Author:
Alyssa Johnson
Does the idea of learning from other divorced and remarried parents sound appealing to you? Well, come on in to The Community then! We exist as a place where parents can ask questions and offer support to one another. Check us out at http://www.RemarriageCommunity.com