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Behaviour Patterns that Break Marriages

Article Summary: ‘He’s got this nasty habit of being rude with the waiters, even at the most exclusive of restaurants, you feel like wanting to disappear into the earth’. ‘He simply lacks basic personal hygiene’.

‘She’s always nagging, even in front of strangers’. ‘She is forever applying make-up, even when it is perfect’.

These are some of the bad or annoying habits that couples complained about, in respect of their partners. There are more dangerous habits involving alcohol, drugs, smoking, unsafe sex etc. which ruin not just the marriage but also the health of the family. Bad habits can also play a major role in the breaking up of relationships. A bad habit is a socially unacceptable habit, due to its repulsive nature or harmful side effects. In most cases, if both partners have the same negative habits, the marriage is in no imminent danger (there’s every chance that they may get along famously!). A person with no bad habit cannot get along easily with a partner having a bad habit.

Bad habits create a mental distaste for close physical contact. The spouse with the bad habit is kept at arms length (almost literally). In a serious form, bad habits lead to severe incompatibility between the partners, simply because the spouse is not willing to modify or give up on the disgusting habit.

‘She is always bossing around. Who does she think, she is?’ ‘He just doesn’t discus anything with anyone’.
It may boost your career, to be tagged as a person with drive, ambition and leadership qualities, when you are intent on winning, in the rat race. Your home front does not require that you have to replicate these qualities at home. Taking independent decisions can be disastrous. How can you decide for your spouse when you cannot even guess what’s on her mind? Can you accept and justify the devastating consequences of the unilateral decision that you forced on him or the family? Decisions pertaining to choice of residence, religious leanings, career, children etc. can be a source of constant guilt or initiate a perpetual blame game, if the decision is not mutually acceptable.

‘He’s not honest about the amount of salary increments that he gets.’ ‘Why does she lie about visiting her friends?’ The wise old proverb that a single lie necessitates the utterance of more lies, in order to cover up for the original single lie, is extremely suited to marriage. Unlike strangers, you know each other intimately and the truth unravels the fastest. A single event of dishonesty breaches the bond of trust created by marriage, to sow the seed of suspicion in the mind. It is nurtured with even the slightest symptom of falsehood, though there may not be any dishonesty at all, because once the spouse detects the symptoms of dishonesty, there is a constant vigil to note its appearance and draw negative conclusions about the subsequent events.

To save your marriage from the ill effects of these negative behaviour patterns, you have to put in the best possible efforts to do the following:

Be honest. There can be no understanding, love or respect when dishonesty prevails. The marriage is doomed if the basic requirement of honesty is missing.

Spend quality time to ascertain the likes and dislikes of your partner. Most habits are amenable except the ones that have crossed into the territory of addiction. Tact and persuasion are required to change these habits. Yes, the habits that can be tolerated, ought to be tolerated, especially when it is confined to the walls of the home and does not physically hurt or emotionally drain the family.

Confide in each other about all your personal events and thoughts, in everything. This is the only route to let your partner know how you feel. Discuss your daily events to accentuate the closeness. Treat the relationship, like you would, the best of friendships.

Share the decision making process and arrive at a consensus, whenever the decision’s outcome has the remotest chance of affecting the family. Since both the partners normally have the best interests of the family in mind, there is nothing wrong in heeding to advice from your partner. After all each of us have passed through the portals of experience, from the time we have walked this Earth. We all have gained something out of these experiences which can be of benefit to the family’s well being.

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About the Author:
James Walsh
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com